This was me, it made me into a people pleasing beta pushover male who lets other people be rude to him, call me names, and take advantage of me. I suck at being assertive and im a complete doormat, until im really stressed out and then I can attempt to be assertive in a aggressive manner, or I cry and be sad about it and mope about it. Whenever I stood up for myself, I would get punished for it.

I'm only able to stand up for myself and be assertive when im really stressed out and in a bad mood, but I can only do it in an aggressive emotional manner. After standing up for myself, I feel terrible about myself like I did everything wrong and fall into a self hatred spiral.

I dealt with rude jerks all my life and I was just ignore it and not say anything, but later down the line, I get mad at myself for not cursing at them, screaming at them and asserting myself. If I did any of those It would have made the situation worser than it already was though, so thats something to think about and look at.

I started to enforce boundaries and when I started to enforce boundaries and say no, people said that "Im all fancy now" or that "You ain't the same person anymore", because I stopped putting up with peoples crap.