I’m gonna go on a bit of a rant here. To start off, I hate this quarantine. Before this, I worked 2 jobs. 1 at a popular retail/grocery store and the other at a cool chain brewpub/brewery. Some days I would work both, which usually would end up with me working 12 or more hours for that day. I would do these kinds of double shifts like 3 days a week. I commute a bit so I would sleep in between the shifts in the parking lot for my brewery job. Still... kinda just barely was getting by. Since all this went down, the brewery laid off every hourly paid staff at every location. Didn’t get unemployment because 2nd job. So basically I’ve been on the struggle bus for a while but I have made effort to go back to school (it’s my first semester back right now).

I was grinding before all this. Every day was a fight and I thought I hated it. Now that it’s gone.... I miss it a lot man. I just want to go back to working to improve my life. Having only online classes is a killer for motivation. So this kinda makes me want this lockdown to end. I’ve been heading the warnings, taking precautions, and trying my best to stay up to date. I hate where our fed govt has been at with this and everything else in the past few years. I think the reopening plan for the US that was announced looks pretty good but a lot of people around here and elsewhere don’t seem to ever want anything open any time this year. Like I don’t want any decisions to be rushed but we have to open up right? There is no way in hell the feds are giving us another check. The last one barely came through. And that makes me kinda puzzled seeing all these people calling for year long lockdowns and even the prospect of even phasing in openings over the course of months is frowned upon and attacked. What the hell is going on? I’m fortunate to have an essential job stocking groceries but I know for a fact that there are people everywhere that will be homeless and hungry very soon if things don’t open.

I live with someone who is high risk (diabetes, asthma) and I wear a mask, I wash my hands, I keep my distance, we barely even go out to shop. This just puts me in a terrible head space because on one hand you got the terrible looming prospect of anyone could die from this and on the another you have the frightening possibility that people will go hungry and struggle in ways that haven’t been seen on this scale. It fucking sucks. I wish people were a little more open minded on both sides, but that’s never gonna happen. Just try to understand where people are coming from. Obviously it’s not feasible to open shit up fucking tomorrow but we have to get shit going. And YES testing needs to be moved forward too.

Sorry if I piss anyone off or I seem entitled but this just feels nice to put into words. I’ve been struggling with this more so in the last few days and I don’t really know how to deal with it.