Had this with my bf. Felt I'd found my perfect match but after three months of bonding but no sex, i sat him down and he told me. I didn't know much about it so asked him and read up on it. Eventually learned that his case was less caused by a lack of attraction and more by fear and trauma. After months of creating a safe space with cuddles and foreplay he was ready for more and came during sex for the first time in his life. After that he got into it. Ngl I was kinda proud and it was beautiful to witness a confident, inteligent, grown man have his mind blown by vanilla sex. While it turned out that he isn't really ace, his libido is still very low. Over 2 years in, he's still always on the recieving side, since initiating and acting himself is still a bit much. Half a year ago we opened things up. I haven't made use of it yet because I still preferr to go to bed horny with my gorgeous man than having a random hook-up, but it gives me peace of mind to know that I could always get it elsewhere and still keep him as my so, if I started feeling unsatisfied