I've always dreamt on becoming a chemistry professor at a good school. Not anymore.

I'm an undergrad at a top school in chemistry, and unfortunately the cut throat competition and intensity of workload killed me. Aside from that, I've suffered from chronic anxiety and some depression. All of that, along with other reasons, really tanked my grades. I tried to apply for undergraduate research positions, but the professors or principle investigators only judge me by my GPA (and I'm not arguing that they should not or anything but still frustrating that I am defined by a number). So I'm just doing chemistry now because I already completed so many units.

Things I used to want to do: - Teach chem at a great school, and try to inspire young undergraduates - Have my own lab where I mentor undergraduates and graduates while publishing a lot of papers - Serve the scientific community to help advance humanity - Be heavily involved in community outreach to aspire kids from underprivileged areas to fall in love with STEM

Things I want to do now: - Learn how to code to make a cool app to make lots of money - Take computer science and statistics classes so I can one day be a consultant or some other job that makes lots of money - Do an MBA, so I can get a job and make lots of money

Sometimes I think, was I naive to have those ambitions to become a chemist? Am I not smart enough? Was I not realistic?