I am so sorry for what you are experiencing and have gone through.
I also understand feeling insecure. (I lurked on Reddit for months before mustering up the courage to post).
I was (and still am)in a more rural area so I was/am pretty isolated. Makes it hard to access in-person resources.
I think it is smart to focus on your plan to leave and work towards that. I know it can be incredibly hard. Because asking for help, finding the courage to reach out, having to find ways to stay safe and sane all require stamina, confidence and energy, three things that can be in short supply when living somewhere unsafe.
I appreciate your posts and I empathize with how you are feeling. Feel free to reach out and know you aren’t alone.