The Diary of a struggling Girlfriend of an addict..

First and far most I just want to say thank you for all of your replies and feedback. I do have an update.

After I originally posted I finally found the courage to confront him. Ofcourse his reaction was what I expected. He immediately went on the defense mode and was angry for me bringing it up. He finally told me he had low testosterone and when he said it he was extremely emotional. I know it was hard for him. I researched testosterone and yes one of the main factors was low to nil sex drive. For awhile that understanding between us came with a level of calm. In the meantime he had many things happening in his life. His dad's in the hospital and it is not looking good. He had to finish this huge project and he had to put his cat down.

Through this recent time I've been very caring and loving and patient. And he has been just as such with me...but..

Ironically last night he was showing me a video on his phone. I realized that to get to his camera app a security pad popped up. The same type of system to get onto your phone. I never realized he had this type of security and immediately asked him how in the world he has a security on that. He said it was an app. I realized immediately that the same security code popped up for his text messaging and email account and realized then how tight and locked down his phone was. Ofcourse my heart started thumping. I never even realized there was such an app that can also provide security for any app you open on your phone. I immediately (and calmly) asked him why he needed all that security. His reaction was defensive and he said that he leaves his phone on his desk at work all day and doesn't want anyone accessing his personal stuff..He also gave me the reason of in event his phone gets stolen. But he said all this on defensive mode...and my heart just dropped. I was just too shocked to say anything. He knew I was upset because he was super nice to me immediately after that and ofcourse I was too full of mixed thoughts to say anything.

So last night I went in bedroom early. I had time to cry..and realized that the amount of mistrust I have in this guy is just not acceptable.

The next morning we both left to work and I was a bit quiet. Not my usual self. He texted me in morning and wrote: 3 words GET OVER IT. But the thing is...With all of our history. All the factors that come into intimacy for months. No trust ..I finally realized I can't get over it.

Needless to say I finally texted him with a question: "in the event I need your phone to use for anything would you let me have access without being so paranoid looking over my shoulder?" The fact is I wouldn't ask. I've never needed to use his phone nor have I ever planned to snoop his phone. But i thought it was a valid question to ask considering I ofcourse would let him use my phone for whatever. I wouldn't want him to snoop but I wouldn't be paranoid about either. His reaction to my question said it all. He was defensive mode called me crazy said he'd never let me use his phone because he k own I would snoop etc.

I finally realized I have had enough of mistrust..unhappiness and dissatisfaction in a relationship of 6 years then anyone is supposed to feel. I knew it was over. Today he did come over collected his stuff and left. He remains with the notion he made the decision because I'm crazy and he's sick of me.

It's weird. After crying all the past times I've cried for him I am right now feeling very calm and assured I did the right thing. I do love him...but I'm realizing I love myself more. Like I stated in my original post I'm 33 years old. I've loved this guy since college 12 years! And we've been in a serious relationship for 6 years. 5 of those years I've been dealing with his addiction. And I think I'm ready to let it go. Even if I stay single for rest of my life I can't keep waiting for him to be the man I want him to be. But when is enough enough? I'm sure the emotional s will come once the reality of the situation hits me. But I've been praying about this for so long and just last night I prayed for things to happen as they should and to have the strength to face it.

/r/OpiatesRecovery Thread