It was two of my close friends wedding reception the Sunday after. I had let out my flat and I had to be out of the flat on the Monday morning so the rest of that week was spent packing. The reason I had seen Stacey so much, as I said above, was I was giving her a lot of sentimental things I knew she would want and I never. Wedding photos, photos of when we got together, teddies etc. I went to the wedding with Dom and it was a good night. I was standing at the bar and this girl was looking over and smiling at me. I’m hopeless at reading signs so I got my drinks order and went back to the table. Not 5 minutes late the bride brings the girl, Sonya, to the table and introduces her to me then leaves. Sonya is a good-looking girl and we got on. We had a kiss at the wedding and arranged to meet up when I got home from offshore. We have met up a few times since and as I write this we are still talking. Again I have been upfront with her that I do not want a relationship and so far she seems happy with that.
I had been faking confidence up until this point but I was starting to believe in myself. I re-imaged myself changing my style a little. I was going to the gym and taking a few sunbeds and all of this mixed in with the attention I was getting from some girls was helping me feel confident. The real turning point was a few weeks ago when I was out with the boys in Glasgow. There were 5 of us out and only Tam and me were single. I felt like great and within 10 minutes of being in the first bar I was chatting away to a couple of girls. This theme continued throughout the night and I had 4 new numbers in my phone before the end of the night. We were in the casino and the guys decided they had had enough. I was enjoying myself and I was confident enough that I was happy to stay out myself. Within 15 minutes of them all leaving I was drinking with 3 stunning girls. One of them in particular was giving me a lot of attention. I was always worried that I wouldn’t be able to hold a conversation and I was worried if there would be awkward silences, there was none of that. We all got on like a house on fire and 3 of us went back to my hotel. One of the girls eventually left but the other stayed. She was, in my opinion, a easy 7 or 8 out of 10 and she was there with me. The strange thing is, I never felt like she was better than me. It felt like I was in control.
That day cemented in me a confidence I have never had before in my life. Because I’m confident I am a 5ft9” guy who feels 6ft tall. I can truly say now that I am happy. It has taken me 8 months to get here but I am at a good point in my life. Stacey doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. She isn’t my territory so I don’t feel jealousy over her. I truly hope she finds happiness one day and that she doesn’t wake up regretting what she threw away. I could have respected the fact she fell out of love with me but I will never forget the way she forced the end of our marriage.
So what’s next for me and why did I write this. Well next on the cards is 3 weeks in Thailand traveling on my own (I do have friends over there). I also need to figure out where I am going to live with Glasgow and London being options. I have a snowboarding trip in March and I’ll be back in Ibiza a couple of times as well. Why did I write this, well initially it was for me but reading it I think it might be able to help someone going through this situation. So I have changes the names to protect the innocent and I will be posting it anonymously on a website.
June 2018 will mark the start of my divorce proceedings. I’m not sure how I will fell at that time but I now know I am strong enough to cope with this and anything else for that matter. If you are going through this and you have been patient enough to read all 10,000 words of this blog then you are not alone. Lean on your friends, have a drink if you need one, take that holiday you promised yourself but most of all know that it does get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take it from the guy “Giving it Billy big bollocks but the truth is I’m a scared insecure little boy”. I am no longer that guy…………..