I was 86'd on Nov.1st and yes, it does get better. I started journalling right when we separated and every journal I've filled, I've thrown in the trash right after. And it's like my brain turned back on in the middle of January. I remember the ruminating and the painful education but I don't really remember much else from November 1st until mid January. It's weird. So I don't know how much I've changed but the people around me say there's a huge difference. That during that time, I just had a weird blank look in my eyes. That I looked lost. And now, I no longer do. And while I still miss the person that was my best friend for 13 years, I'm trying to convince myself that that person is dead. I have accepted my divorce but struggle with the losing of my friend. I also found during this time, that being outside in the sun every day has helped my depression a lot. So I recommend either getting coffee and drinking it outside or walking around a park everyday.

I started feeling better overall when I decided it was time to, around month 3. I had bounced between the bargaining and depression stages plenty and decided it needed to stop. I put an elastic on my wrist, so if I was in my head too much (bargaining or just lost in the past) I could snap it as a way to get back to the present. I also started taking control of my thoughts, let them go off about your past for a minute, than change the focus to the present, what you need to get done, or what you want to create for your new life? And the more I focused on what I want for my new life. What qualities do I want in a future partner? Does my ex have these qualities? Probably not, or they wouldn't be an ex. Just like anything else, it takes practice so don't be hard on yourself. You'll get better at it. I'm still getting better.

Time helps but you can't really heal without effort. Part of that effort is accepting and controlling your thoughts to the present. The other part is distraction. If you think about your ex all the time it will become a habit and just make things worse, you could become obsessed with a fictional version of your ex. Dive into hobbies, hang out with people, read, workout, anything to keep your mind busy (excepting drinking, drugs, porn...do positive shit.)

I want you to step back and ask yourself if the hole you felt in your chest four months ago is still there. Yes? how much smaller is it? No you don't feel it, that's fucking awesome! You've already become less attached. If it's the same size, are you still in regular contact? You probably need to go no contact or atleast minimal contact.

You'll start feeling better when you decide you can't live like this anymore. I'm betting that's coming up pretty soon, otherwise you wouldn't have asked. So, fuck shit up! Get out of your current routine. Figure out what didn't work in the relationship and why. Once you've learned what you can, It's Fucking Over. Anymore time spent on it is a waste. Time you could be doing anything else. And you should be. So work on freeing yourself from it because at this point it's a trap. One that takes months to work out of positively and if you can't get through it on your own get help. There's no shame in getting a therapist.