I dunno really...

On one hand... I could have it a lot worse then I do...

But on the other I've just got so many things that I hate about myself and my life in general.

"Life is what you make of it." They say... or something like that I dunno... so I guess I have no one else to blame but myself for all the things that have gone horribly wrong. And to be quite honest I'm not sure what to make of it.

Most of the time I have no motivation to do anything... like even get out of bed most days (typing this while laying in bed... hooray!) and I just lay here and daydream about all the things that could be if life... the world... the universe were different.

Things that in this reality could never really happen (at least so far as modern science tells me...), things that I would really much like to come true... but alas I am stuck with them simply existing within the confines of my mind.

I've debated a great many times with myself about taking my life... and I've yet to come to a conclusion weather or not I should.

On one hand, at least I'll know what awaits on the other side of that dark and gloomy conclusion to life that we all must face one day. But of course on the other... I am quite scared of all the possible outcomes.

I don't really have any friends... and I'm not really on the best terms with my family... and at this point I don't think they would be too shocked if I did end up offing myself.

I'm currently unemployed... and I doubt I'll ever even qualify for a real job. And to be quite honest anything I would qualify for would just make me want to kill myself even more...

I've been experimenting with writing... when I feel decent enough to do it... but so far it's been quite poor... but all in the process I suppose.

Anyways I'm really not sure why I just wrote all that out... I just needed to vent I guess...