This is really interesting. You have a more traditional relationship than me. I work part time in the same career I have always had, but much like you, chose to put this on a back burner to be a SAHM while the kids are pre-school.
The thing with RP for us is simple really. Yes, if I spent my time reading stupid posts from TRP I would be pretty outraged most of the time too. But I think there are two types of men who are Red Pill, those who read it, have a shitty life for whatever reason and despite saying they aren't, are angry and bitter towards women. And with those men I just think - arseholes be arseholes.
Then There are the other men who say, 'God, now I understand women better' and apply it to their lives in a successful way, while still thinking positively about women. And these are the men that you could see and know every day and you would have no clue they are RP.
If my husband was one of the anger men guys? Yes, we'd have a huge problem, but he's not.
I feel almost the same as you. Yes, women should be able to make their own life and do what they want, same as men. However, I only think that, if they genuinely have the skills needed to do this. Take fire-fighting. Very few women have what is necessary to do the job as well as the men. Those that can, great, give them the job. But should we have 50% fire women? Only if those 50% were genuinely more qualified for the job than the men.
I think the main issue with RP in a relationship for a women is the whole 'submissive' thing. Can't pretend reading about being submissive didn't initially freak me out. I AM NOT a submissive person! But I think I became ok with it when I realised it was my definition of submissive that needed to change. I was thinking of it in a BDSM, down-trodden, emotionally abused way. Which, is of course, how BPers interpret submissive.
It really doesn't mean this. What it does mean is letting your husband man up and make decisions without constantly second guessing him or criticising.
I also think of it in this way - if bad times really hit your family, you would expect the man to be your protector, right? Be that someone to stand up to whoever, or be there for you and guide you and the family through, be it financial, emotional, whatever. And it's not because you couldn't do that for yourself. Of course you could, you're an intelligent women in the modern world. But the fact of the matter is, we prefer our men to take this role. Because, evolutionarily, that is the role men have always taken. RP is just encouraging the men to be that man everyday. And having a husband who is willing to step up and be that man everyday is a pretty sexy thing, no?