It's too hard to explain why I know I'll never contribute to society. I keep trying and erasing it because it's not right. Basically I have fairly severe social anxiety (undiagnosed, but it's pretty obvious. I suppose it could be avoidant personality disorder instead) and I literally don't leave my house except to work a few hours a week so I can afford junk food and first aid supplies because the rest of my days are spent binge eating and cutting myself. Oh and I'm currently paying insurance on car that doesn't even run, which I still owe $3000 on, and I owe my community college $600 dollars even though I dropped out. I'm completely codependent (I live with my parents) and the older I get, the more embarrassing it is for me and the more stressful it is for everyone around me. And it's only going to get worse.

I know you're probably going to advise me to "get help" but I honestly don't even know what kind of help that would be. Even if I could make a phone call or walk in somewhere to make an appointment, there's no way I can sit in someone's office and talk about myself for an hour. I've tried therapy a few times, but it's kind of the nature of social anxiety to not be able to handle that exact situation. Plus I can't afford it.

There's more to it, but I don't know how to explain...Every time I try to explain these things to someone, I get told I'm being difficult and melodramatic. I'm not trying to be. I have just gone over every scenario in my head (again, the nature of anxiety) and come to the conclusion that there's no way I'm ever going to be able to function like a normal person. I'm just a waste of time, space and resources.