I do have hobbies which helps when I'm feeling depressed. I'm an artist so you know... Having feels is useful for doing artwork. It's the difficulty in getting along with others that's a problem. Such as at work. I just am not the friendliest, I keep to myself and when I do try to reach out sometimes people are not nice in return. I'm often a " fill in friend" until someone "better" comes along and then I'm froze out.
People pick up on my wariness and bitterness even when I try to hide it. i don't know how to be like able or how to engage with others. People get annoyed by my presence or just ignore me. my ability to be friends comes and goes. People come and go. I don't get attached Or even try much anymore. I stand up for others who turn around and shun me and make up lies about me.
When people at work talk over me when I try to be friendly or just not respond to me and they don't even know me yet to have an opinion of me I start feeling even more sad and bitter. I'll tell myself it's just as well and I don't need friends or anyone because I dont want additional trouble. I'll also start thinking that if other people act like I'm unimportant, then maybe I am. Maybe I'm nt good enough to be friends or have friends.
And I do have a couple close friends. they love me, why don't others?
A girl at work was really nice to me and cool and I liked talkig to her. Then the next time I talked to her she blew me off, quickly walk away when I'd see her or responded in a tone of voice that was slightly patronizing.
There are two guys at work are friends with that girl and they are really nice to me. it might be a trick tho! Other guys are mean and talk over me or look annoyed at me. at first I thought that's just how one guy is and he's having a bad day, but then I see he's nice to others. He looks disappointed when the manager has us work together on a project.
The thing is, I like myself. I'm hardworking, i think I'm a good person, I mean well, I don't talk badly about others, I am often helpful and sincere when I do try to get to know others. I don't try to take advantage of people, or throw them under the bus. I'm good at art, intelligent, a good listener and funny once I open up to people.
Why do people betray me, in little ways and big ways?
If I like myself, why don't other people? Why do they laugh at me? Why do they suddenly stop talkin to me? Why do I get in trouble for things others do? sometimes I realize former friends stop talkin g to me because they betrayed me in some way behind my back because eventually someone will confront me about it. Why are some people nice to me and include me and other people shun me?
Tl;dr: I'm just venting. I'm often shunned and don't know why despite meaning well to others.