The first time I ever got drunk was when I was still 20 and 2 days before my birthday at a friends dorm where he said he was going to have a small party. There were some cute girls and they were really bad at beer pong, and it turns out I'm really good so as they were getting more and more drunk they got increasingly flirty and very handsy. When all the games ended we were all three sheets to the wind so I went to the bathroom, and peed for probably two minutes straight it was the longest wizz I've ever taken him and since I was out of my mind drunk it was going everywhere and dousing the toilet in pee but I didn't know this until later in the story. Then I got my shit together, did my hair, and pumped myself up in the mirror cause I decided I was going to try to hit it off with this one girl and have sloppy drunk sex for the first time (not to mention she grabbed my junk like 10 times so I took it as a hint). I went out there looked her in the eyes like "hey baby you wanna do this", she saw me look at her she stood up and then started vomiting and running at me at full speed, I didn't know what to do so my basketball skills took over, I head faked her, which caused her to fall over on a chair, the chair busted a hole in the wall and she proceeded to vomit into the hole inside of the wall. I then fireman carried her into the bathroom where she grabbed onto the pee soaked toilet and puked her brains out. I sat there rubbing her back and holding her hair cause I felt guilty about my pee absorbing into her clothes. Then after she was done I tried to leave and she grabbed my leg and smeared her mouth across my pant leg leaving a trail of vomit, I guess that was payback cause those were my favorite jeans. Then she fell asleep like that grasping my leg, also I'm pretty sure that she soiled her thong cause it was pretty rank in there.

For a TL;DR version you can skip to 7:40 here https://youtu.be/Bv6kyjw5OcI I fully recommend watching The Chris Gethard Show cause it's such a fun and friendly show.