I'm the "you" in my relationship! Ha! The way to my heart is tequila and guacamole. Don't buy me a fancy purse and then get feelings hurt when I don't use it everyday. :P It is all a learning process. When kids come along, it can get worse if expectations aren't communicated. I remember having a convo at year 10 of marriage with my husband. I pointed out little ways in which I showed him how I am always thinking of him...plugging in his phone every night so it would be charged in the morning, folding his clothes first out of the dryer so they wouldn't get wrinkled, always having his favorite cereal, snacks, razors...whatever. I liked taking care of him, and never wanted a "thank you" but got bitter when he never did anything to show that he was thinking about me. You know how people talk about how if the husband loads the dishwasher, etc. it might be more likely that the wife will get in the mood? It is all about the love languages! Also, I told my husband that I would NOT thank him for doing shit around the house or with the kids. That implies that he is "helping" me do my job, and that is fucking bullshit! My husband travels and works endless hours, and I know that is hard on him even when he staying in 5-star hotels. I take care of everything, and I like doing it, but it can be overwhelming. Kids are just mentally exhausting in a way that work never was for me. We had a "bonus" third kid who has Asperger's and it has been a hard road getting him situated. He is in third grade and doing great, but along the way I just wanted my husband to come home and do bath time and bedtime.

If anyone feels like they are getting a raw deal, it really is time to reassess each person's needs. It doesn't have to be a huge "State of the marriage" convo, but every so often, just "hey, how are you? How are we?" is really helpful. Try not to do it in a time of big stress. As far as chores go, some people might do better with a list and you can negotiate who does what. I'm glad if anything I said is helpful! :)