Thank you for this. I've been doing some major soul searching for the past ten years. I let my toxic x wife go, I opened my own business, I now own rental properties, etc..... I push my self out of the comfort zone as much as I can. Every time I succeed, I want to push more.
Over the years I have learned to recognize my weaknesses. knowing them is a strength in it self. I've always had a hard time expressing my self in conflict and still do. All of my life I've felt like I needed to defend or explain my self.
In grade school I remember being sectioned out by my 2nd grade teacher. My desk sat in the back corner away from everyone else. I was the class dunce if you will. The hardest blow to my personality was failing 4th grade. It was the most humiliating experience as a child to see my peers the following year all look at me in the hall as I entered the 4th grade classroom. I hated "me" throughout my school years.
I was at a ripe age for my parents to argue and it effected me. They eventually divorced after having four kids. I've had conversations with my mother over the years about it and she would always tell me she never screamed or yelled, It was always my fathers fault. Maybe that is true, she didn't yell, however now I see how she pushes buttons in he passive aggressive way. She's been doing it to me and my wife throughout this mess. She also did it throughout my life. I just never saw it because I was to busy trying to please her. I've been trying to please people in general all of my life. Now recognize it, and voice my opinion. I call her out and she deflects and diverts it toward my wife.
I've read your examples quite a few times now and wish I could fluently state my arguments like you do. I dislike that my brain isn't wired that way, however I accept it. That doesn't mean I wont work on strengthening my weakness thought. I highly appreciate your input.
The fact that my weakness allowed her to push, divert, deflect, lie, deceive, and many others...., it exposed her for her true self. My strength was getting her to continuously do it in email. That may or may not have helped me in court, but it didn't matter to me. I needed to reassure my self. My mother's been manipulating me in small doses throughout my life. I never labeled it and therefore didn't recognize it. Once she started pushing my wife, my eyes opened wide!
Thanks again.