I'm trying so hard but honestly, everything fucking sucks right now. My parents' home is falling apart and I'm worried we won't be able to fix it. Mom won't let us get anyone in to help, so it's all on us. I haven't been able to do jack shit towards moving into the house we bought, let alone even feel good about buying it, because of how bad my parents' house is. My Mom hasn't even seen the new house. My Dad visited for twenty minutes while I was painting because I begged him to stop by on the way home. The house is on the way out of town! He passes the area every day!

I have no help moving. Everything I have gotten moved over, I've packed and moved by myself with my car. I have no idea how we're going to get the heaviest stuff moved - I'm not strong enough, I can't really afford to hire anyone with everything else going on, and I can't ask my Dad to help because he's miserable and palpably doesn't want to. I have, like, no friends lol :') I'll probably just ask the internet in exchange for food and a few bucks.

I haven't been sleeping right. I don't know if we're going to do repair work this weekend, but even if we don't, I'm going over there to do yardwork - there's so much to be cut back from around the house, and between the weather and my Dad's sadness keeping him from doing anything even though he really needs to pull it together for a bit and help us before the house falls down, the yard is more overgrown than I've ever seen it.

Oh, and my aunt died. My girlfriend is working two jobs - I barely see her, and she's cranky with me when I do, even though I do my best to put on a happy face for her despite also being extremely busy and unhappy. I would love to actually relax with her when we have the chance; instead, she's had a hairpin trigger, and I've upset her by both making decisions about what to do and asking her to make the decision so she won't be upset with the decision I make. I haven't felt good about anything in months. I'm a first time homeowner sitting here feeling completely dead inside about everything.

I'll probably delete this in a few minutes. I'm just feeling pretty pathetic in my half-empty apartment on this Friday night, and everything really sucks.