Want to know a reason victims don’t leave?

The knowledge that you can leave and survive is there.

Imagine having to leave your whole identity behind, everything you think you are. That’s the scariest shit ever. Not knowing who you really are because you’ve been isolated and made to feel that all the problems are your fault.

Leaving all you know, even if it’s peppered with abuse, it’s all you fucking know. You don’t really know yourself so you question every thought you have, every move you make. You believe that if you’re just a little nicer, calmer, sexier, softer, better cook, better organized, just being that little bit better will solve all the problems and you won’t make your partner so upset and disappointed in you.

So then you start hating yourself as much as your abuser hates you. Who are you to sabotage the relationship with this person that just wants you to be better? They tell you how to be better but you never quite get there. You begin to believe that you’re an idiot, the solution is right there, they are telling you to be better but you’re just not trying enough.

You’re not soft enough, calm enough, nice enough etc. So you change, you become that dream, you are good now, you get showered with love and attention and gifts. But then something happens and you’re not perfect, you see a little light through a crack you see how stupid you are being for following along in the madness.

But then what? Leave the only life you know, leave who you believe you are. Who are you to leave? You aren’t enough. Why should you be the one to make more trouble and disappoint the one person who loves you the most in the world and just wants better for you?

So you stay because you believe the darkness in your soul is lonelier than the darkness you live in. You just have to do better.