I feel you.

I have recently found out that my mother told my now fiance to leave me at the start of our relationship because she would suffer like she suffered with my dad. Small caveat to that is, at 12 years old, i finally got my mum away from him. 12 years of mental and physical abuse by my alcoholic dad. Its completely blindsided me. I keep searching my head, heart and soul for any justification why my own mother would say that about me.

She seemed to go through this mental state change when she got with my Step father; she had lived through 17 years of abuse and had some making up to do. My mum hasnt got a genuine apology in her. She ends up breaking down and crying; its a sorry that comes hand in hand with excuses and you leave just feeling guilty.