Please please please try to force yourself into a new running or biking hobby. I'm telling you right now I've had so many friends go down the same path and I have jumped in for each one of them in recovery. We got them mountain bikes, a strava membership, heart rate monitor, etc. Getting them on the bike and putting on some headphones, climbing a fucking MOUNTAIN and then bombing down it with your endorphins pumping beyond anything you ever experienced, you will find that the brain just needs a little push to get that satisfaction you used to cheat with. So many opiate addicts have no idea that if they just pushed themselves phsyically, you can reach a state of peace and love every single day. It literally cures people. And then many get addicted to the sport of endurance biking/running and become reborn. You may already have tried this but if not, please give it a go. Strava is epic because wherever you go, there are "segments" with leaderboards. So imagine the 1 mile dirt trail near your home, that entire 1 mile is a virtual segment with thousands of people placed on there. You can set goals to reach top 10 in your age group, hold highest average speed, etc. These are the type of hobbies that truly fix your life and change your world forever. You can do it man, the reason opiates are addicting is because they pump the chemicals you should be rewarding naturally thru exertion. Find a way to do that and you will get high as fuck purely thru your own will. Depression is fake you can kick its ass.