“She said that her parents buy each other coffee just because they asked for it and they want to do it. I said of course people do that when they're 50 and have been living together for 10 years. We don't live together and I'm only on year 1 of being financially independent from my family.” My takeaway: she sees small thoughtful gestures as a sign of love and care. You believe you shouldn’t have to make these gestures because you don’t think you’re even that serious yet. But you also apparently don’t want to breakup. You’re seeking advice/validation for a money problem but it’s not really about that.

I got the same. I wanted to throttle the OP and ask him, "What are you waiting for in order to commit to cherishing her? What's the benchmark? Do you even know what it is?" Because honestly, you're either in or you're out on whether you cherish the other person.

And if you cherish someone, you don't fight to Win, you "fight" to Be Compassionate.