as with all this 21st century dating pseudo intellectual science, it breaks down to: dating as a man is harder for the average man and the only way to fix it is to be (more) attractive.

unfortunately each person's fix for their situation is different and may stay out of reach for far longer than one can maintain their optimism and sanity. nobody cares about your "struggles" and the second you share them with potential partners or non close friends it only makes you more unattractive. im not sure when the situation changes but you just have to find a way to trad water through the unbearable loneliness and confidence crushing lack of results untill eventually one day thnigs turn around, or you die which - either way you won't be worried about it anymore.

i'll use myself as an example: low/mid 30s, athletic enough body (and working on it further), my own place that's nice, good personality, always have friends and coworkers laughing when hanging out, good fulfilling job, great income, fantastic cook and my freinds always compliment me on it, decent to above average looking face, tall enough (hopefully? 5'9''). negatives are: i'm introverted and social anxious and a bit of a cynic and my hair is starting to go and ill probably be shaving it by the time i hit 40 i'd gues. my negatives have been amplified by my lack of success in dating. it's been a bit over over 3 years since I've had a date. i've had a couple of one night stands in that time. i know a lot of guys can't get even as "lucky" as i have been.

it's really discouraging and almost anger inducing to all the unsuccessful people out there (guys and gals) when people just say be yourself, work hard and it will come because the reality isn't really like that a lot of the time. i know i'm negatively venting whic goes back to the this is a very unattractive behavior but people in this situation and state of mind constantly think about this and it probably negatively spills into all facets of their life only making their situation worse - it's an amplification loop, if you do well it positively spirals up, and the same for negative.