I'm new to this, too, but in a similar situation. My couple have been friends with my husband and I for 15 yrs or so. They've been married 27 yrs, my husband and I 23 yrs. We'd messed around a little, but never completely.

My husband died in October. I was used to frequent sex, and I think I focused on the lack of it instead of focusing on the huge loss. I was considering some really stupid shit, especially for someone that hadn't dated in decades. There was this desperate deprivation and it was all I could focus on, because the rest of it was just too horrible to get through. Then she called me to come over one night to hang out, mentioned I could just sleep with them, or they had a guest room, whichever I preferred.

Oh, it's good. She's the softness, he's the hardness. I can talk about him with them without having to be all grieving widow and hushed, respectful tones. I can laugh and tell stories about him - and not cry, or maybe just get a little teary- and they get it, and let me have my moment. And I can focus on him when I'm alone. And it feels like he's good with this, too. All sorts of signs if I let myself believe in that sort of thing :-) (and I do because I like it)

I'm a definite "secondary" and totally okay with it. Not with the way some are treated, and I've had to speak up for myself a couple of times, even though I did it playfully the message was received-and even better, discussed and worked out. My primary was my husband and always will be. They get that, too. I couldn't date anyone else and have them get me, and that, at the level they do.

He helped me get my house- wanted to go through it and make sure I did okay- I did :-) And helped me pick out my car-and took me to get glasses because mine had come off in the wreck I had the night before- and they picked me up from that, too, since I was on my way to their house. They both kept checking me for bruising. And I went with her to the doctor today, she listed me as a person that can have access to her medical info, and I helped remind her of some issues she wanted to talk about.

I get a little lovey dovey and gushy about them, sorry. They've helped me so much, they say I've helped them in countless ways, and we just all fit so well together, and nothing stays an issue so far.