Let's see...

I'm attractive, relatively intelligent, and fit. So, it's just my personality.

My previous relationships have failed. I struggle to balance things in my life. I've realized my communication skills are subpar. So, I don't let people get close because I can't share my problems.

Although when I do share I typically see through all my bullshit. The catch is I don't share with the person who wants me to share with! We will break up and then months later I'll vent my feelings to my close friends.

Although I will say the biggest factor though, as far as I think, is that my parents had a bad marriage which got worse. So, my perspective was influenced by that. Which had a lack of communication, working on issues, and emotional support.

My father became a rather mean person. His alcoholism was a big factor too. Initially I thought it was fine to be mean. After all I had a point and my feelings were hurt.

Which isn't alright. There's no reason to be mean to the people you care about. It's alright to be hurt but, that isn't justification to hurt others.

It's weird to see that you follow what you've been raised around. My father was rather controlling at times too. It wasn't alright for me, or my younger brother to be with friends. No reason. We weren't troublemakers. My older brother was caught drinking in middle school but, he had free reign.

Kind of hard for me to really describe things vaguely. It kind of all comes rushing out.

I know I'm a kind person and blah blah. It's just hard because I feel like I'm only just learning to have healthy relationships on my own. Yet I'm still so critical of others and myself that it's easy to be alone. I'm just trying to work on myself because I want to feel worthy of what I want.