This is a very interesting question, because it gets at how much of gender identity is signaled by things other than our DNA.

Our clothes signal how we want to be perceived. But obviously, it's not a binary. Men dress like women, women dress like men, and often but not always that reversal is related to orientation.

I think you bring up an interesting example when you reference butch lesbians, because I think that group has at least two distinct types that I've observed. There's the type of woman who clearly doesn't feel comfortable wearing traditional female clothing, so she naturally gravitates towards menswear. But it's an awkward arrangement. She doesn't wear clothes that fit and flatter her (and I certainly don't mean in a way that showcases her physique, as that is clearly not something she's going for, and also not the sole definition of flattering). As a result, the effect is somewhat frumpy or dowdy.

Then there's the women who really get it. They understand menswear, the clothes are flattering but not skin-tight, and the outfits are cohesive, stylish and tasteful.

I think whatever you wear, this is where you need to be. If the clothes look good with each other as an outfit, and look well suited to the person in them, all the gender politics immediately disappears.

I think the social cognitive dissonance is in that space where women try to dress like men without considering their bodies.

Now for you, OP, you are a man, and I fully respect and acknowledge that! But the body you're working with isn't fully cooperating in that respect. So its important you work with your body, too, because at least for the time being, it's the only one you've got.

I know that's not really the sort of specific recommendations you were maybe looking for, but I think this sub obsesses way too much over having a list of "approved" brands, when at the end of the day clothes that fit well look good, and those that don't, don't.