I remember feeling like you do quite a few times. The most recent was earlier this year. You see, I was freshman in college and for the past few years I've struggled with clinical depression and social anxiety. I drank to much that night - not too out of the ordinary, its a bad habit I've picked up to deal with my issues - and ended up making an ass of myself at a party. My "friends" joined in-in humiliating and kicking me out, and was left to wander back to my dorm by myself. When I got back I cried and yelled; I felt so far from home, alone, hurt and ashamed of myself. I hated who I was because I wasn't the type of person those people wanted to be around.

After getting put on hold by the suicide hotline, I took off my belt and strung it up in my closet. I stared at it for a little while, threaded my head through the loop and dropped. I woke up some time later (before my roommate got back so it couldn't have been too much later, my guess is the belt wasn't tight enough around my neck and I flailed out of it after I passed out). I started to analyze myself honestly, and realized that despite the fact that even though I was telling myself that I was "trying" to fight my depression and anxiety, I wasn't trying the right things. I really didn't even give life an honest shot. I was just lounging around feeling sorry for myself.

Life is hard, and it's especially hard for people, like us, with defective hardware. At the end of the day you have two options. You can kill yourself, or you can keep pushing. I promise you that if you keep pushing yourself and give yourself a little compassion, you won't feel this way. What do you have to lose?

“Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities.” - (Tyrion Lanister) George R.R. Martin, Game of Thrones

--I'm new to reddit so I don't know if there is a way we can message each other, but if you need to talk I am more than willing to listen.