So I went to a party because I’ve been feeling pretty depressed lately about being broken up with a month ago. All of my friends have been begging me to move on because all I do is mope around and be sad about my ex. At the party there was this guy I vaguely knew from a party a few months ago and we had kissed then and he seemed okay. So we start talking and before I know it he has his arm around me and is trying to kiss me. I was pretty drunk, and so was he, but was still in control of my actions. I decided maybe I could get over my ex if I got under someone else if you know what I mean. Also this guy seemed sweet, we had a lot of the same interests and was engaging in conversation and wasn’t too bad to look at either.

After a little while of making out on the couch we go into a different room with a couch and all signs point to sex so I ask him to get a condom. Fast forward a few minutes and we are naked and fucking. At first everything was fine, I haven’t had sex in a while so it hurt a little but no big deal. In the beginning it was fun but I started to become aware that it was just making me sad and made me miss my ex even more so I start hoping for it to be over quickly. Then suddenly he started getting really rough and aggressive, which at first wasn’t a big deal, just some hair pulling (which I like) and him like holding me down. Like I said I haven’t had sex in a while and didn’t know what to expect so the aggressiveness surprised me. All of the sudden he slaps me full on in the face and starts to choke me, which I was NOT okay with. If that’s what you’re into that’s fine but obviously I don’t know this guy and he didn’t ask or anything just presumed I would want to get beaten up / that was what I was into.

We switched positions so I was facing away from him and I can’t hold it in anymore and I start crying so at that point I just got up, put my clothes on, and told him I was done and wanted to leave. He didn’t protest and I don’t think he noticed I was crying.

I’ve felt like shit all day mostly because I feel like I have been continuously making bad decisions. Now I’m more upset and hurt than before and in no way shape or form over my ex, it did the opposite and made me miss her more. The worst part is the only person I want to talk about it with is her and for obvious reasons I can’t do that. I don’t know how to make myself feel better and now I’m completely disgusted by any thoughts or sex/masturbation to the point that I don’t even want to look at myself naked. I don’t know what to do or how to make myself feel better and I’ve been drinking a lot lately to cope with the breakup. Any advice?