The sad realization I came to, after years of my own depression, is sometimes it sounds like a joke about a bad haircut, but it's really just a little bit of 'help me' trying to escape out.

I don't like people who do shit like that either intentionally, but I don't want to judge anyone for whatever situation they appear in, just because it seems so casual. I remember having days where I felt l had so much compassion for the world, that it felt like it turned into none.

The people you are either recalling or dreaming up, you just don't know. I'm very happy your son has made a full recovery, but as someone going through a fair amount of hell through what has been quite possibly the worst depressed period in my life. I mean I had nights that my father mocked me, calling me a baby, for crying, over something very important to me. Like a 6 foot child, rubbing his eyes going 'wahhh' 'wahh' to my face, while chasing me into corners to scream and just scream, over the stupidest things, like a dress. Every so often now I get this voice in my head that just tells me to go fuck myself, off myself, it's just this cruel mocking that I feel left with, that internal voice, that won't even allow me to feel compassion for myself, when I finally feel like I can cry about it, it feels like something just cuts it off. And so I get this fucked up blunted personality as a result, that I wish I could rip apart. I've made jokes about wanting to kill myself, and it probably sounds like a stupid, off the cuff comment. But I have my bad times, and they are sometimes mentally inescapable, just this torture that seems to feed itself from nothing.

Sometimes for some people, life fucks them up really bad, and they develop bad attitudes that may not make the best of sense to you. I don't know whether talking about this makes anything better or worse. I am genuinely happy to hear about other people are able to find their way to the lighter side of life, when everything seems shrouded in darkness.