I don't have to assert very much to get a conversation going. Most people seem to just start off-loading material as soon as they realize they've found a ready ear.

I'm already familiar with what's interesting to me and I know many people don't share those interests so it's just going to bore us both if I try to steer conversation in that direction.

On a related note, some sites call us "the counselors". Do you feel you have an urge to play pseudo-counselor to others? What reactions do people give?

I think this comes from not meeting people with condemnation or judgment or mockery or scorn and just generally not being perturbed by what they're saying.

If I'm trying to play Guru or Dr. Psychoanalysis with someone's problems I'm just going to come off like an asshole or an abrasive know-it-all. The only people who seem to like that kind of talk are people who are playing Disciple or Patient.

With regard to going deep, I definitely get a vibe with people I haven't talked to before that they're testing the waters with me. For example they'll mention they have a gay sibling or they're in an interracial relationship or they committed a felony when they were younger or something like that.

I see it in their eyes and in their body language when they broach those subjects. They're extending themselves in a way that could expose them to a negative response and they know it, and when they don't get that negative response from me I can feel them relax. When that happens I can viscerally feel the change in conversational depth and then it's like we're operating from a deeper layer from that point forward.

Some INFJs complain about the one-sidedness of their relationships but most of the time I love it.

It's like everyone has cast their nets into the sea and pulled up all kinds of interesting material and they're anxious to off-load it or share it or sort it or refine it or do something with it, but they don't know what.

When they encounter someone who genuinely wants to see what's in their net they love it. I love it. People really seem to enjoy sharing their experience of life.

I'm not that interesting that I want to spend all my conversation time talking about myself so I feel fortunate that other people are so eager to present me with their catch.