Sorry this doesn’t actually answer the question, but he ALMOST died. ALMOST died, wrapping his brand new Porsche around a tree. How lucky he was to be alive, and without so much as a scratch, was even brought up at one of the weekly school assemblies/youth-pastor-led full-blown church services, at one point. Then, dear reader, what do you think his parents might’ve done after THAT whole ordeal? Take a quick guess.

If your answer was “bought him ANOTHER Porsche”, you’re absolutely correct.

Meanwhile, I’m 24 and I still drive my mom’s old Honda Odyssey, which actually doesn’t drive right now, because I’m saving up the $800 to fix the steering. I tell myself it’s because insurance is cheaper, so I can sleep at night.

Ah, private school. Being the scholarship kid looking in on all the rich kids was like getting a free trip to the zoo every day. 10/10 high school experience.