I loath Mother's Day.

My mom says things like "I did my best" and really, it she means she did what she wanted and expected us to sacrifice for her. She must not know that I remember my childhood and the circumstances of my parents divorce.

I know she went back to work as a nurse when my youngest brother was old enough to not need her, and I know working at the clinic in a small town was too boring for her. She use to be a cardiac nurse and she wanted that kind of prestige again, that kind of action. Only we lived in a small town which she hated and she would need to move 200 miles to get what she wanted. My dad had his job and guess he did not go along with uprooting the family. So the arguments began.

My mom says she stopped working at the clinic because it was hard on my brother and I, the eldest of 4, because my dad would require us to clean the house and take my younger brothers out to arcade games or McDonalds.

But after the divorce she worked swings and graves for years to afford a the house she wanted so we came home to an empty apartment for years and I was cast as the one who "was suppose to raise my brothers up to my level."

My mother was literally telling me to raise my brothers starting in the 4th grade. And it was at that time that she started taking Mother's day out on us. We were kids, but she expected gifts from us, on no allowance. If the place was not clean enough she would yell and scream. We saved change for about a month when I was in 5th grade for a card and flowers and we cleaned the house really good and it was more screaming "All I get for being your mother is a fucking card and flowers? You must think I am a worthless bitch."

It was really bad for about 4 years. She would come home, scream at us if we wanted attention, yell if the place was a mess, and start drinking her pepsi with vodka in it. She was an oncology nurse, she worked hospice, she spent all her energy at work and had none for her kids. She would brag to us about how she is such a great nurse and the admiration she got from her clients.

So, its been about 25 years of Mother's Day bull shit, starting when I was 8-ish. And the worst is how she lies about sacrificing for us. She didn't want to live in a small town so she manufactured all this conflict so she could justify leaving my dad. Then, wanting her prestige and excitement she took some of the highest stress jobs she could while her kids were screamed at for wanting some attention when she got home, or even asking what was for dinner. She could have had a job with less stress, less money, and had the energy to love us. She could have listened to us. But she convinced herself what she wanted for her was good for us, even when we were telling her it was not.