I did this by secluding myself from everyone and learned to with myself fully. Did all my chores alone, ate meals by myself, learned to cope emotionally without turning to someone else. Learning to be self-reliant helped me so much. It taught me a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. I had to learn to live with everything I disliked about myself, and think of viable ways that I could improve upon that which I disliked.

I also learned to dress better to flatter my body, embraced my natural hair and my face without make up. Took a good long look in the mirror everyday. I began to prepare better meals for myself. Exercise helps but I'm still working on that so I can't say it helped me personally. taking care of my appearance helped me feel better with the outside, and then I directed those efforts inward.

I like to write, but I had a hard time facing the truth of my emotions. Writing while tripping on acid proved to be immensely helpful. It was a deep spiritual cleansing. journaling alone can help you organize your emotions and maybe help you understand why you feel that way.

Eventually I opened myself back up to other people. Maybe a disappearing act isn't the best way to go about it but it was the most drastic way I could confront myself.

Most importantly, you should remember that no matter what you are deserving of love. It took me a long time to accept that. It begins with loving yourself first though. I know these sound like empty platitudes but they are true. To overcome the self hatred you must confront it. small, simple accomplishments help improve your self worth and increase your self love. You are healing self inflicted wounds to your self esteem. It's not easy, and it's a process that may be ongoing indefinitely. Don't let that stop you.

I wish you the best of luck on your healing process.