Appreciate the sentiment, not sure it's well deserved. I do it because I have to and it makes me miserable. I might be less miserable if I didn't have to come home to a house I hate that my wife lovingly built for us to the exact opposite of every specification I gave her.

In any case, to answer your question she's always been like this. It didn't bother me at the time because I was young and I figured that if I was good to her and she loved me, she would return the sentiment or we'd work it out. Turns out I was wrong. I put my life on hold and paid her living expenses while she took a decade to finish her Phd. Our parents encouraged us to have kids young while she had a flexible schedule. She became depressed and I became very sick (for unrelated reasons). I didn't know how long I had in this world at that point and I didn't want our child to be alone so we had a second. I'd probably have divorced long ago were it not for the health problems and kids. The second one ended up with a minor ear deformity because my wife thought it was cute. I can't leave my kids with someone like that, even half the time, not to mention it would create new problems without solving existing ones. I'm too sick to go through divorce and start a new relationship anyway. I've attended therapy for two years because my wife weasels her way out of going together and the therapist mostly has been helping me learn to cope because we know that a normal relationship isn't an option at this point.

I seriously wonder if she has Aspergers but it seems it's just some kind of mixed emotional disorder. She's been diagnosed as a highly sensitive person with sensory integration disorder so far, in addition to anxiety with elements of paranoia. She spends most of her time not at work watching TV in bed or napping and can't tolerate being around people more than an hour or two a day other than going to work. I'm still looking for a diagnosis that covers the laziness. I just let her be because there aren't any realistic better alternatives.