My husband actually has very little to do with his family. He's visited them once in the last three years, only talks to his parents when they call him, and actually warned me "my mother is unreasonable, hateful and you shouldn't care what her input is. She is never happy and I don't care about her opinion."

I started trying to include her more, include his family more, and it's backfired on me. If it was up to him we would just ignore his entire family outside of what we needed to do. We do have a bit of a conundrum where his parents are helping us with some legal stuff (don't want to get too specific) and we are stuck with them righ now.

My husband is on my side. He doesn't not agree with his families view of my family. My husband gets a long very well with my family. My parents adore him and he doesn't think they are trashy at all. He did not say my family was trashy or that his family thinks my family is trashy, but that is the only explanation I can think of for why a loud wedding would be bad.

My husbands mother is never happy with anything or anyone. He can tell her not to say whatever he wants and she's going to keep doing it. Luckily, she lives on the other coast and I could literally never see her for the rest of my life. She insults him, his father, the other parts of his family, dogs, Jesus, whatever. He's told her repeatedly that he loves me, he's staying married to me and she can get over it or never see her grandchildren. But in his culture it's very normal for mothers to be like this and it's ingrained that she's normal.