A watermelon. And I'll tell ya why. You're walking down the street, someone tries to rob you. "Gimme all your money!". You don't. You don't have any money. You only have a watermelon. Tell them that. They'll give you a funny look, a sigh of disappointment, then walk away. Robbers have no interest in watermelons. It's a proven fact. So you keep walking. The sounds of scuffling feet grab your attention. There's a basketball game going on. Not one second later you hear a POP! Someone killed the basketball. Everyone is sad. You casually walk into the situation, whip out your watermelon, then, with an air of cool confidence, say "hey guys it's alright, I got it covered". Watermelons make the perfect basketball replacement. It's a proven fact. You play a few games, not too aggresively, but not too amateur either. The vibe gets intense. Everyone's attention is on you and your mad watermelon skills. The women are giddy with joy, the men are blowing you kisses. With a quick nod and a warm smile, you resume your travels. You see a crackhead passed out on the sidewalk. "ARE YOU OKAY?!". No response. You spy a crack pipe nearby and place it into their mouth. You put your watermelon inside ever so softly, and light it up. The fumes release. The chemicals hit. He jolts awake. "What have I done?!". He runs off into the horizon. Later on you discover that he ran all the way to Brazil, where he cleaned up and started a successful business of breeding and selling parakeets. Watermelons have been known to help with crack addiction. It's a proven fact. You're getting tired. There's a coffee shop close by. You step in. You order a venti latte. "$4.75" she says. Bummer. You still have no money. You start to walk away. "Wait a second... Is that... Is that...A watermelon?". Her gaze is intense. Her interest is piqued. You present the truth. She goes nuts. "Omigod omigod can I hold it, CAN I HOLD IT??". You submit to her desire. She's thrilled, elated, even slightly aroused. Baristas LOVE watermelons. Proven fact. "Omg that was so awesome, btw that venti you ordered, it's on the house". Boom. You win. Outside again. Strolling briskly. You hear screams. You hear crying. You hear sirens. The mall is on fire. "MY BABY IS INSIDE MY BABY IS INSIDE!!". There's an older woman freaking out. Her baby is inside. "What's going on?" you ask a nearby policemen. "Her baby is inside" he says. He won't go save it because he's allergic to fire. "I can't save it, I'm allergic to fire" he tells you. "Where are all the firemen?" you handsomely inquire. "It's their day off". Duty calls. You run into the mall. It's on fire. You throw your watermelon at Sears. Watermelons are made of water, so the flames extinguish. You throw it at Hot Topic. You throw it at Ross. You throw it at every single store. Taco Bell is giving out free tacos, so you eat a few. Then you find a baby in the bathroom. Seems okay, so you put him in your pocket. The mall is totally dead and you get bored, so you leave. You remember that you have a baby in your pocket, and you also remember that lady saying her baby was inside. "I think this is yours?" you say as you hand the baby to her. She's pretty happy. The day is almost over. You feel a little lonely, so you talk some shit with your watermelon. It's a good friendship​. It listens well. All in all, a fairly good day. Nothing went wrong, all thanks to your watermelon.