That really sucks. I deal with something similar, except nowhere near illegal. It's just that if I was ever myself, people would see me as a disgusting freak, because it goes against what so many people see as attractive. I would be a walking joke, sort of like how gay people were treated decades ago. Sometimes I hate myself a lot for it.

I also know I'll never be able to do it due to a disease I have. It's sort of a long story. It sucks so hard I just think what's the point, when so many other people can have something but I can't? Why aren't I allowed to be truly happy inside?

And you know what? I hate these people that say you should go to therapy to get fixed. What if a straight man had urges to be with a woman? Would it be fair to deny him of that? So why is one desire okay hike the other isn't. And don't say that people in this position can still fantasise, that's like telling someone with no legs they can still walk if they imagine it. That's not the real deal.

Plus it was actually common for thousands of years for older guys to pair up with young females. If anything should be blamed, it's the thousands of years of that stuff going on. Pedophilia is only a natural result in the evolutionary process and people expect this to change after a hundred years. You would be able to have whatever you desired if you were just born a hundred or so years ago.

Lots of these people will never understand what it's like to never have something you want. No matter how much you try to get rid of the desire, it comes back haunting you. Then you masturbate one night and you just want to cut off your dick because you hate yourself so much and don't want to have these desires anymore. You know when you're cleaning the disgusting mess that you're a freak that society sees as gross, creepy and lots of then even secretly wish you were dead.

This world was not made for people like you or me. While I don't have the same "thing" to deal with as you, it's my own cross to bare that I can assure you society hates or feels disgusted by nearly as much, just that my certain attraction isn't illegal.

I plan on killing myself eventually too. I don't know if you'll ever see this message but I feel the same way you do, like the only thing to do is kill myself. What sort of life is this anyway? Fuck this shit I want out.