I'm [23/F] think sex is a chore, and have a low libido. I'm scared I'll never find a man that wants me if I admit that.

You've got to have a comfortable enough relationship with a guy that you can show him exactly what feels good for you. Every persons body and sexual preference is different. What gets you off might be totally different to someone's previous partners, so you have to think of it as starting out fresh with each new person.

It takes some patience on both parts while you're working things out, but a lot of partners are eager to make their other half feel good and enjoy the process of learning about each other's bodies. It should be fun :)

I actually used to think I was asexual, totally uninterested in sex, only orgasmed if I was lucky. Until I met the right guy, who really wanted to learn how to please me and we had a lot of fun teaching each other what we liked. It was also a pretty cool discovery process for both of us, as it led to exploring and thinking about our own bodies too, so we both learned about our own bodies as well as the others (if that makes sense).

I will never forget the feeling of realising I was about to orgasm for the first time on purpose with him. As in, it wasn't a random orgasm when things just happened to work well. It was an awesome moment :)

By the way, I had also done some reading through books for women who struggle to climax by themselves or a partner, and learned a lot that helped. For example, I was under the impression that an orgasm should just build and build and build, and eventually it happens. But I learned that for many women it's more of a rising and dipping process, that slowly intensifies in waves rather than a constant build. This changed everything for me, and rather than get frustrated when I lost that feeling of intensity building, and learned to be patient and wait for it to rise again. And you know what, it worked!!

I can't remember the name of the books offhand, but I can figure it out for you if you'd like to know.

And now I orgasm easily all the time with him, and while we have differing libidos, I actually crave sex and the intimacy it brings with him. My sexual life is totally different now, and we both laugh at the idea that I thought I was asexual!

/r/relationships Thread Parent