It's honestly sickening. I've never seen myself depend on someone so much in my life, I'd invade their personal privacy to this extent just to speak. But I've done more than enough at this point and said everything I can. There's no doubt if I keep pushing I'm going to just make matters worse than I already have. So I'm just gonna leave everything alone from here on out and focus on my own life, as hard as that's gonna be. I have this terrifying thought in my head that if this is how far I'm willing to go just to talk to a friend, what am I going to do if I ever get in a real break up? An actual relationship that ends like this? I really don't know. But I'm done invading her space and doing this. If someone went through these extreemes just to speak to me again I'd definitely be more than willing to block them out of my life. You're right, I'm only 18 and I guess I still have a lot to learn about everything, and still more life to live. It's just been so scary watching myself act in the creepy ways that I have. But I wanted to do everything I could to say what I wanted. Now that it's out, I can leave the decision to her and decide what to do in my own world. I didn't used to be so connected to anyone, nor did I need someone like this in my life. Or at least I thought I didn't, but the constant company did something to me. And I guess I have to figure out how to live with myself again. Thank you for the input and I'm gonna do everything I can to try to shift my focus in life to other things. For whatever reasons she's shut the door, and although I'll always leave mine cracked, I guess I'll try to begin opening others, rather than forcing myself through hers just to talk.