I feel like mine did a full loop, because I had a long phase where it was like I was trying to completely destroy my spirituality and was doggedly rational and secular, but then once I got deep enough in that journey to the point where you aren't just dodging the worst aspects of humanity produced from dogma and sectarianism, but actually trying to improve your lived experience, then you experience your mind as something more expansive than you could have ever dreamed and there are like meditative states where it's obvious that the experience you are having is in fact a spiritual one even with an otherwise secular mindset, and it doesn't even need to include music, but could be a really great Sam Harris podcast, or profound notion in a videogame or movie that seems to connect to everything, etc. etc.

I will give you what will sound like an unrelated or random example, but it worked on me just from playing a game called Nier Replicant, but I don't think you need to know the game. I think constantly now about what sours in a person for them to just eject themselves from the prevailing social world, and I found this game that would just add layers and layers of alternate stories to characters to the point where everything about them was like this emblem of abuse manifesting in various forms in the world, and how sometimes people in general are monsters without knowing it, and it takes this type of message and just infuses it in a story that just feels so human and still so bursting with love despite the presence of themes like suicide. I go through this story and realize that I am in this kind of cosmic drama too where I could be representative of any number of characters with varying levels of trauma and am just trying to be way more than an accidental monster in my own world. And as I do it, I realize that these aren't just arbitrary thoughts from some nerd examining one story, but that stories all around us in all forms and the unfolding of our own experience are in a way manifesting as spiritual experiences just from the simple act of deciding that anything at all is worth caring about, even when some percentage of our experience is pain or feels totally arbitrary.

It's like I can have these moments where even when it feels like the world is screaming at me to be totally a nihilist, I still stand up and realize that I do care anyway.