I'm glad you were able to open up about this with someone; I can feel this way, too. In college, I was surrounded by very extroverted, great people who appear to have their lives in order. I say appear, because I know they have their own stresses that I don't get to see from Facebook feeds or our catch-up conversations. But I find myself comparing my own “achievements” to them, and to what I think a middle-twenty-something should have accomplished. I felt trapped after college, by my location, by my experiences, so I somehow managed to get an au pair placement abroad. It did momentary wonders for my sense of agency—that I had some control over my life—but then it very quickly tumbled into coming back sooner than expected, struggling to find a local job, jumping ship to another state when I got the opportunity in hopes of making something work, finding myself in a retail job with little upward movement, and frequent fears about finances. What I mean to say is, when it comes to careers, and my relationship status, I feel like a failure all the time.

I suppose what gets me through the day is the people who have supported me, so I want to be supportive of you in the same ways they are to me. The problem with “I should be...,” sometimes, is that you aren't accounting for anything you accomplish, and overlook the things of value that you do. I am sorry that things aren't working out for you right now, too, but it really is amazing that you are trying as hard as you are. You went through the effort of trying to find something you thought would help (a temp agency), applied, talked to them, and when things didn't look like they would work out, you began thinking about possible alternatives (school). This takes effort, and sometimes it is a very anxiety ridden effort. So please don't downplay the great things you are doing, even if life's circumstances make them complicated. :) Not to mention, despite the years you have struggled to find a job, you kept fighting until you found SOMETHING. It's not an end result, no, but when you're planting a forest, it takes a lot of strength to keep trying even when you can't tell if anything is taking root around you. I really can't emphasize enough how strong of a person you are for fighting through these feelings, these experiences, and opening up to others when those fears just start weighing you down too much. It doesn't solve the immediate problems, no, but please don't let yourself just see all the bad. It could be that temp agency, it could be your location, it could be an employer looking for that one, miniscule thing that could be setting THEM up for a hard time—you are amazing for still trying.

As far as advice goes (if you would like advice from someone who is trying to save the sinking boat as much as you are), maybe think about what it is that would make you happy. My degree was in writing, but I realized recently that I really love helping people feel happy in their job, more informed, safer, etc, so now I'm digging into human resources as maybe a more practical way to build my job base. Computer science and engineering (while good degrees currently) are definitely NOT for me either! Do you like problem solving with your hands? Do you feel more relaxed working with technical errors or math? Do you like working with people or is it something that makes you nervous? :) I don't think there's anything wrong with being happy about or being uncomfortable with any of these skills—it's just finding one and discovering niche careers they don't always tell you about. For example, I was afraid of nursing (and therefore never considered things related to it), but found a stint of in-home care to actually be REALLY rewarding because I was taking care of domestic stuff (cooking/cleaning), while being friendly and supportive to people in need. If you feel like school might be a solution, then please don't feel bad that comp sci and engineering aren't your forte. If you feel comfortable in retail, or would like to pursue office administration long term, maybe seek out a general business degree and see if there's a particular aspect that you like more than others? (I'm not sure what classes you have taken so far). Otherwise, maybe approach your managers at your current job (if you like/respect them) and see if they have any advice about how to move up in the company, or what background they had to get the job they did.

:) I hope something in this helps. I know it's not as good as a job offer, but I do think you're wonderful for trying so hard!