I think I'm gaining weight, or I am bloated from ovulation (or both). I just got new bike shorts too, and it's not fun to see they don't fit as nice as I imagined. Idk I am just generally in a bad mood. Go figure. I am so alone. No wonder. I am an adult and I should be able to get myself out of this shit. On a different note, I finally broke out my new electric kettle and it's so much more convenient than splashing boiling water from a pot lol. My throat is feeling a little irritated. Am I getting sick, or maybe allergies or something? I'm watching an online lecture about shame and it's pretty good. There's one part where he says something about how no relationship is going to work out until you've addressed your toxic shame (at least somewhat) and that's something I've been trying to remind myself since I feel a lot of regret over lost opportunities. It's not like I was ready anyway. But I guess in any case it'd be nice to just have had experiences where you can get a hug/cuddle. That really would have been enough I think. It just really sucks over all... I know I "wasn't ready" but why do I have to be so fucked up in the first place. Idk it's one of those days where none of this seems worth it.