I'm so sorry for my hostile comment D: I woke up this morning and was like 'fuck, I made an angry comment at four a.m again' I'm a bit belligerent when sleep deprived
that sounds absolutely awful, it reminds me of my relationship with my father - who has hurt me so severely that I had to cut him out of my life completely, even though I forgive him..and understand it's beyond his control at points, I think that people who are intent on hurting other people..afflicted by illness or not...they need to understand that people aren't going to stick around if they do not make amends or figure out ways to alter their behaviors - it gets to the point..where you can throw all the kindness and love in the world at someone and they won't respond, and that is so tragic and awful to experience. I said that same thing before about my dad 'I can't hate him no matter how much I want to,' it is painful.
and I understand.. I don't want OP to stop trying either, hopefully not ever. I don't want people to reach the point where they give up.
it is a good question..to ask yourself: 'I couldn't control what happened to me then. What can I control now? what can i do now?'
I completely agree with you, you sound very intelligent and kind and I'm sorry I ranted at you again - I am obviously not in the best place haha, thank you for your kind words
I'm sorry I implied/said you didn't understand what it's like, when you obviously understand it very thoroughly and have experienced very very difficult things, and I'm sorry for that. thank you for sharing so much and responding so nicely, you sound like wonderful person.
...I've felt powerless for so long that I've forgotten what I can control and I want to get that control back, I want to be able to do so much more - it is important to..always urge people to take control, even if it's only in minor ways..it's very important to move forward - your comments made before didn't deserve the frustration I responded with - thank you for talking to me, this has helped me actually, thank you so much.