Maybe, yes. But I think the fact that I seek 'functional oblivion' every day is more telling.

Many people have bad things going on in their life. Some bad things are of their own creation and some aren't. Some bad things are within that persons sphere of influence and some aren't. I don't consider my own problems to be bad, in the big scheme of things. I have a good job, a good family, good friends, and sometimes women take a second look when I walk by. I'm not unhappy with my lot.

My life isn't bad, but it's better when I'm stoned because then I don't focus on things outside of my control. I don't get down thinking about how polluted and lifeless the planet will be when my kids grow up. That my future grandchildrens lives will be monitored and controlled ten times more than my own. That they will never have a chance to develop a free and inquiring mind because of the disgusting groupthink and indoctrination we're being bombarded with. I don't have a positive outlook for the future of the planet or anything living on it. It would take a monumental event to change that.

I do what I can, more or less. I donate my time and money. But it would take a complete donation of myself in order for me to sleep really soundly. But I can't abandon my career to go chase ideals. People rely on me. Maybe when I'm older I will have more time. Maybe I should have just bit the bullet when I was younger and given myself to a something worthwhile.

And as I've grown older I've noticed how my friends have lost that idealism and those principles. That they're able to just not think about that stuff. That they're able to rationalise the irrational. They worry more about what people think of them. They worry less about the people themselves. And that's tempting but I can't stick to it. I make more money than most of my friends. I have a nice house, a nice car, nice possessions. I have zero debt. As far as that side of things goes, I'm doing ok. But I don't care about those things. I buy quality because it lasts longer. I buy it because somebody put real effort into it. The effort was in making the thing, not cutting corners to save a few cent. I'll buy a handmade whatever at twice the price because I think supporting those skills is important. It's humanising. Working in a factory watching a machine doing the same thing over and over is dehumanising.

Maybe being stoned is an excuse for inaction. Maybe my dreams are about not having control or feeling trapped. I have thought about all these things before now.

In any case, you're a good person to speak up like you did. Keep doing that.