Welcome! My husband suggested this sub when I was in my early stages of sobriety as well, so glad he did. Several things hit home for me in this post .. one being that your wife remembers who you were, before the disease of alcoholism took over your life. I have been an alcoholic for about 13 years. I am 36. Several years ago while I was hungover and feeling sorry for myself I asked my husband why he stayed with me and he told me it's because he remembered the person he met before alcohol took over my life. This stuck with me for some reason. About 5 years ago I stopped drinking and my sobriety lasted about 4 months. Like many alcoholics I started drinking again with the idea that I could moderate. That relapse lasted 4 years. Almost 5 years later here we are. The relapse taught me that moderation is a hoax, it's the disease talking. Once I accepted that I could never drink alcohol again, I was able to close the chapter and move on with more ease and less 'white knuckling'. I am agnostic and attended AA; this is not an excuse not to attend. Put your religion and beliefs aside and do what you need to do to get and stay sober. Many people find solace in AA and are not religious. Forget the higher power and all the god talk, look beyond that and really listen to what's being said. People do all sorts of things to stay sober, AA is just another tool that can help. I clean, I go to bed early, I started skiing again, I cook, I do whatever I have to do not to drink .. and it works. If you got 10 months of sobriety in the past, you know what you need to do to stay sober. You have a lot of reasons to be sober, but you have to make this decision yourself and it can't be for others. I can't stress this enough. Gotta do this for you. You are lucky to have a wife that cares enough to fight for you and stick around, but love will not carry you through this. This sub is awesome if you need support and you should keep coming back. Before I quit drinking almost 8 months ago, I had given up on myself. I can't even describe how far gone I was. I believed the alcoholism won and the only way out of the trap was suicide. Alcoholism, mental illness and suicide runs in my family so I thought the writing was on the wall for my future. I had accepted that in my soul. I have never felt so alone and low. My husband started sleeping in the basement, he stopped yelling and talking about my alcoholism .. he had accepted our fate. Then one morning, while I was sitting at the kitchen table alone and shitfaced at 4am I decided it was time. I had two choices; fight for my pathetic life or kill myself to free myself from the trap. I'm glad to be posting this today. You can do this /laserman38.