I don't mean to come off that way. Your comment is one of the few I felt was decent. But yes, this entire thread is making me feel defensive and aggressive because I got the exact 'red pill' group response I was afraid I was going to get - 'your feelings don't matter, do what the man wants'. I'm starting to regret the entire idea of posting here.

We have not invited any third party into our bedroom. I have not blacklisted any acts from my husband that we have done together. There are some I don't like as much of course, but we still do them infrequently because I do agree relationships are give-n-take when within reason.

Did you tell him from the start of your relationship that you feel very strongly about being in an exclusive/committed relationship (ie no extra people involved when it comes to the bedroom)?

No, because as I said I was in a changing state with a lot of emotional problems. I understand that is not fair to him. I get that. I'm a shitty person. We had considered it and talked about it in the beginning. I was uncertain about it though, so we never moved forward.

As I started figuring out what I wanted, I did communicate my change (and yes this was before we got married). As I said originally, I offered him out because I knew it wasn't fair. He chose to stay.

I'm thankful that he did stay, but I changed. I held him under no pressure or obligation to stay. We were not married, we have no children. People change in all variety of ways as they grow older, don't they?

In your mind this may be true - but to your husband it isn't. "She did x with a random guy that was a jerk to her, I love her and she won't do x with me..."

I understand that. I honestly do. That's my problem - how do we close this barrier? The only advice I'm getting here is "do x" regardless of my thoughts or feelings regarding x.