be loyal

The worst part I think was when you began using my loved ones to your advantage during our breakup. Calling my brother and telling him everything that went wrong in our relationship was EXTREMELY inappropriate. By doing so you changed my brother’s perception of me and turned him against me, this is called manipulation. And you know how my brother is (very mean) so it worked perfectly. He is an easy person to influence and you used that to your advantage. He constantly says how I am a cheater and a terrible person and I feel like that’s exactly what you tried to achieve. Either way it was not right at all to do that. The most recent time you manipulated me was when we were down the shore. We passed the escape room place on the board walk and you mentioned being interested and I replied “its too expensive its like 30 dollars” (because that is how much it is at the ones at home) and you laughed in my face saying “are you an idiot? It says right there that is $15” you then said that I “made up” the price of the escape maze to try to convince you in not doing it, and that its not your fault I don’t have a job to afford those activities. I could have cared less if you wanted to do the escape room and you know how much it hurt me that I didn’t have a job and you used my weakness against me. It was so mean so I flipped out on you on the boardwalk bc I was so hurt. I didn’t feel as if an apology was necessary because you used my biggest weakness against me and I felt my reaction was warranted. You then brought me over to where curly fries was located and demanded me to say an apology and tried getting me to say what I DID was wrong and you were right. You said if I didn’t say those things, or didn’t want to take that walk with you, you were going to walk me down to where your family was sitting, tell them I screamed in your face, and take me home. You then did the same thing when you said you and Laurie’s relationship was nothing like ours. That hurt me so bad, so out of anger I said that me and vinnys relationship was way better. What I said was no different and no better than what you said, yet you stormed off saying I should go fuck myself, reacting way worse than I did in any situation that day, and told me you were going to go tell your mom what I had said and pack everything up and bring me home. I then hysterically cried and sobbed and begged you not too, because that would have been mortifying, which subconsciously forced me to apologize and beg for you to not break up with me. Unfollowing and blocking me on all your social media is one thing, but I heard you deleted every single picture of me on instagram and I know you did that with the intentions to hurt me. It didn’t work. I know you did all these things after the breakup to rub it in my face and make me feel bad about myself. It didn’t work. It is immature, it is uncalled for. I get unfollowing me bc who would want to see my face after what I did, but to delete my pictures as if I never existed? I have no words.

I am not at all trying to discredit what I did. Sleeping at vinnys house was UNCALLED for. I know it was. I spent four days in my room not eating, sleeping, and wanting to die. I kept throwing up. I was inconsolable and could not stop crying. I felt so much guilt for what I had done, as I should. I told my parents the whole story so they understood why you had every right to break up with me. I even told your mom, so your mom knew the truth about what I had done. I even apologized to her.  I deserved to be broken up with, I deserve to feel pain. I do. But I also deserved to have been broken up with in person. I get you wouldn’t want to see me right away, but its been a week. When we were together I told you many times how it hurt me so much that vinny broke up with me over text, and how it prolonged my pain. There you go, once again, using my weaknesses against me. 
But the most hurtful of all was the pop-pop situation. I know for a fact I did not say anything about my pop-pop on the phone to you that day. I am not going to point fingers and say that you made up that my pop-pop died. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. I will never know. But either way, if you actually thought my pop-pop died, it is so sad that you did not say anything to me during those four days after our breakup. That is heart breaking to me. If my pop-pop really died, you wouldn’t give me your condolences? I’m not asking you to hold my hand or even support me, but to not even apologize for his passing, if he actually did pass? I spent a year with you, and almost every day of that year we spent together and to know you wouldn’t even care if I went through something so traumatic is disheartening. 
What I did was wrong. It was. But you were extremely manipulative towards controlling and me and emotionally and verbally abusive. What I did was wrong, but it was a MISTAKE. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Mine was a terrible terrible mistake, but I never spent a whole year manipulating you and making you feel like you are someone you are not.  
With all that being said, I still don’t think you deserve being heartbroken. I am sorry for reaching out one last time. I am sorry for everything I have done and for all the times I have ever hurt you. You will find love one day, the love you deserve, and I really pray you do. 
But you are right, we are not meant to be and we will never be together ever again, and that makes me happy. I hope you find happiness again too. And please, do not post about me on reddit ever again. 
/r/offmychest Thread