So, I'm a divorcee and can hopefully provide some answers on my end.

• Does the fact that they've been through this process before make them less enthusiastic about marriage and weddings etc?

I've never been a big wedding sort of person. My social battery runs out fast and can only do so much "partying". Having said that, it's not that I was less enthusiastic, my priorities were just different. Previously I wanted this dream wedding I'd thought of for years with silly expectations, but this time round I was focussed on the man and the marriage.

Our wedding was amazing, so, SO much fun, even better than the first. Yet more than anything, all my thoughts and excitement were for the life that my now husband and I would start together. I still had the fancy dress, hair, makeup, a gorgeous venue, etc... but it wasn't the most important.

• Are they more scared to trust or open up, even after getting married since they've been there before and been hurt?

I was scared. I'd left an abusive marriage so being alone with another man wasn't an easy thing to accept. I got to know my current husband for almost 2 years, I went to therapy, asked him endless questions and we also did pre-marital counselling. It wasn't hard to open up though, because my husband is incredibly compassionate and understanding. Never uses anything against me and always supports me. It was just a random "what if" that would pop into my head now and then, that would freak me out, but I always communicated that with him and then we were fine. I trust him :)

• What type of social pushback did you or your partner have to deal with?

None, alhamdulillah. Everyone was surprised and pleased my husband didn't mind me being a divorcee, but that annoyed me because you're just praising a man for being decent and not judging me. Bare minimum.

• How was the sexual intimacy part of things as someone who had no experience with someone who's been through it before?

Not sure what my husband would say, but the conversation never came up. We both went into this completely new because we have different needs and expectations, so it's still a learning experience. The communication makes a difference, and caring about each others' pleasure. You treat every relationship as new, in its own way, never compare.

• Do you ever compare yourself to their ex or feel like there are aspects of the relationship where you are underperforming?

I hope not, my husband is amazing and no one can compare! I can tell you that I never think of my ex, that chapter is closed and that man could have been wiped from the face of this earth, I wouldn't care. There's only positive comparisons like "I've never been this happy in my entire life" or "wow, this man treats me so well, I'm not used to this". Alhamdulillah.

• What is their attitude like about their ex? What level of involvement do they have with their ex? Outstanding financial settlements, overlapping social circles, etc.

None. Don't talk about him, don't care about him. I'm married to another man, he is my priority, my love, my amanah, my ex is nothing. With social circles, honestly as brutal as it sounds, I cut them off. Anyone who sided with my ex could have him, and I started my life anew. Best thing I did.

I can understand your worries btw, but I think a decent person would never pit two people against each other. Most divorcees just want to leave the past behind and move on. They've learnt from their mistakes or trials and want to work with someone to have a different relationship. Divorcees are much more realistic in what they want, they're more level-headed because they know what actually matters having gone through good and bad. I asked different questions the second time, and I realised who I thought I wanted wasn't the person I needed. My current husband is my ONLY husband, my ex was a test from Allah that I've learnt from.