I'm devaluing the idea that that kind of validation worth prioritizing considering the realities, not the woman.

who are in very happy relationships with a guy who lives to have sex with her.

As someone who is both divorced and has now been married for over a decade, the idea that physical beauty will buy this is the real fairy tale.

Physical beauty will get you a short-term lease at best. If that's what you want and you've got the goods, great. If you want more and/or your best efforts in being pretty don't get the guy's interest (which seems to be what OP is saying here) then prioritizing the other things that go into attraction which you have more control over makes more sense.

Makeup and hairstyles are great if you're into it but personality, interests, values and lifestyle make a much bigger positive impact in overall attractiveness when you're talking the long-haul. Is not even an either/or thing. I'm saying to work on that rather then despair because of the portion of physical attractiveness that's out of her control and that it's within her agency to discard what society teaches if it doesn't serve her. There are other people who agree and will find her attractive on her own terms if that's what she chooses. I know because I lived it.