In part: this is your own fault. You have some unreasonable expectations of these relationships. You go all in, but they don't, so you lose all your input and they have a reserve and then you resent them. It doesn't seem like they are pressuring you, you are sacrificing yourself. This is behaviour you have control over. And it's okay to start saying no from the start and limit your efforts. You've seen the pay out.

Change the attitude. Give advice when it's wanted. Look into the family rate for jobs. Be there for them, but don't expect anything in return. Use your words when you need help, your brother doesn't have the same inclination to self sacrifice, he won't offer by himself. Apparently when you're on fire, they won't help you find a bucket water. So all you can do is make sure your ass is covered and a situation like this never happens again.