The last time we "talked" about it, it became a fight.

That's when I called it a "lie," spitefully. We had both dug in heels, and she wouldn't acknowledge that the discrepancy between what she said and what she did existed, much less the frequency that it occurs. I even told her "just don't tell me when you're coming home until you are physically in the car and heading over ... or just get here and I'll know!" About there was where I called it a lie ... "You don't have to lie to me about the time you'll be home. Just get home when you get home."

She totally fails to see how it's an issue at all.

There actually had been issues on my end that might have made her more ambitious with her time estimates than realistic. An aspect I hadn't thought of because it was a lifetime ago, when I had a bad habit of shutting down bars with friends. I wonder if the hangover of all that has prompted over-eager time-home estimates while simultaneously giving her license to flout them.

I've been trying not to react to it. But each time it happens, it just resparks this feeling of disbelief ... no so much disbelief that she just did again, but disbelief that she doesn't notice that she does it when she does it (maybe not literally, but almost) every time she goes out. Like, if every time I went out I picked up Taco Bell and left it in the car, I would notice I did that and acknowledge it if someone pointed it out to me. My wife does this weird consistently wrong ETA thing, and when I point it out, she's like "What are you even talking about?" Or instantly defensive-mode "I was only late because ..."

That part is what I get frustrated about ... It's not last night ... or the time before that. It's that it's virtually every time and she's blind to it even if I point it out.

Actually, that struck on another relationship issue close to this dynamic worth exploring, but definitely not in this thread ;-)

Thanks RobotPartsCorp. You give good advice.