Most poly people aren't afraid of being emotionally attached to their primary partner at all

I am not afraid of being emotionally attached to him. What I am afraid of is the experience of sex with emotions connected to it - when I say sex is like a foot rub to me, I mean that. I do not recognise the type of sex that is based on an emotional bond as opposed to a physical desire as the default way of fucking - I feel more vulnerable when I'm told my partner loves me during sex than I do when tied up and gagged. Emotional sex is the aspect that scares me, not emotional connection. This is the main reason I agreed with him entirely when he proposed a temporary closing of the relationship, as I know that's something I need to work out and on, and being open would not lead to any healthy external encounters - only negative, self-destructive ones. I flatout admit that my sexual proclivity CAN stem from other issues I project into my sex life, and the point I felt at risk of engaging in that sort of behaviour was the point we mutually decided to close.

your fifth paragraph

The reason I was so grateful for his support at the church service was due to the fact he was raised in a very religious family setting, and later became agnostic - the same route I took. I was grateful for his presence because that was a circumstance that we both know, from personal experience, to be an emotionally hard one. Of course I lean on him on occasion - he's my partner. I don't, however, lean on him at the expense of his wooden leg.

I do agree with you in your analysis of the codependence in the relationship and your theory as to how it came into being ("women who can emotionally ... in separation of you" specifically).

I don't fully understand what you mean by 'automatic living' - would you please clarify for me?

he takes your problems more seriously than his own

Yes, but then he takes them FOR his own. Even when he's upset about something specific to a negative experience I had in my life before I met and started to date him, it isn't 'MY' problems he's upset about - it's my problem that's become his problem and I therefore have to suspend my pain about and comfort HIM for it.

afraid to lose his meaningful insightful support that he's provided but won't commit to him in a way to satisfy his emotional needs

Firstly, I'm less afraid to lose his 'meaningful insightful support' than I am to lose the man who I curl up with and read in easy silence with for hours, the man who calls me to tell me when the sky is beautiful and I'm inside (I love the sky, so does he) so I can nip out and have a look, the man who chews his pen in a distracted, rumpled way when he's thinking, the man who shakes his head faux-sadly when I buy shitty instant coffee and try and give him a mug. I'm more afraid of losing that man than I am the performing monkey you seem to think I view him as. I love him. I was just given false information at the beginning of the relationship in terms of his comfort in non-monogamous set-ups, and I understand why he did it - but that, to me, is akin to if I were monogamous and my boyfriend of 1.5 years came to me and said 'actually, C, I'm not happy with being monogamous - I need to sleep with other people, and that's the only way I can be with you'.

He won't commit to me in a way that satisfies MY emotional needs AS MUCH as I won't do the same in reverse. The difference is that I clearly laid out my position at the start, and he's just dropped a change-of-mind-sorry-honey bombshell on me.

pliable sensitive boy that loves you deeply

So I'm taking advantage by communicating clearly and being there for him more or less constantly at the expense of my own need to have some time alone, right?